Journal: Tuesday, March 25, 2003

My God:

I need to find the most excellent way for me personally to co-operate with Your operation in me that is the fulfillment of the complete call that is on my life. It can only happen from where I am at. What a bridge it is to get from where I am to where I will be according to Your most excellent will for me, my God.

The making of a son of God takes more and longer than we anticipated, costs more than we have to give, takes us through more than we ever believed we could handle, and we would never have begun if we knew what it meant in the end.

AGAIN: I am before You, holding my heart and my self open to You that I might receive that which you have for me that I need now, that pertains to life and godliness and direction and wisdom and gifting and empowerment that is personal for me. I pray You braid my path together with all that is in Your will for me and impress me with Your vision for my life in order that I may see it and find the most excellent way. I want to do right and be loving and to bring my part, to meet with You and Your part, that will become Life. I pray You over-rule all my decisions that are off and my thinking that falls short, and bring me, personally, into a condition and the understanding that will allow me to fulfill the complete call that is on my life. I need THE MIND OF CHRIST for all that is before me.

I need to begin to examine myself and take inventory for what the real and next steps are according to THE PLAN OF GOD FOR MY POTENTIAL AND DESIGN, for me. I CANNOT STEP OUT OR OBEY UNLESS I HAVE THE DIRECTION. I give my entire self over to You now, Lord, that You touch me and bless me and lead me into this thing. My union with You and the call You have on my life are my highest priority. I know that it includes and prioritizes loving people and meeting their needs, being honest and responsible and keeping a right spirit and a clean heart and hands, that I might ascend Your mountain, Your high places, to fellowship with You.

I long to please You, my God, and to do what I do as excellently as possible, and yet I seem to fall so far short. I need You to intervene in my life and deal with my weaknesses so that I can be entirely prepared and timely with what You have for me to do and to be as a vehicle of Your Presence. I want to gather up every loose end and cut off every other distraction so that I can have a whole heart and give my life over to it.

I need to take an ax to the spirits behind the cheap substitutes and small thinking and poverty mentality that hinder me. I long to live up to my Gods’ expectations, potential, and plans for me. I want to hear, “Well done, my fine and faithful servant”, and “This, also, is my beloved son, (after Jesus, my FIRSTBORN, in The Name of The Lord, hear ye him).”

I want to bless You, Lord, and I want to do it as beautifully and gracefully and whole-heartedly as possible; and do it to the max and to remove everything that hinders me from accomplishing and fulfilling the highest possible call that is on my life.

WHAT IS IT THAT IS THE NEXT STEP, ALMIGHTY GOD, IN YOUR WILL AND PLAN FOR ME?

(I get the sense that I need to look in the present second, at where I am now to see
…Maybe it is not such a religiously spiritual appearing thing.
Maybe it is to get up and go clean out my closets, and get honest and humble and practical and real about what is at hand, and who I am now and what is Gods will for today for me, and what do I have now, in hand, that is seed He has provided me to sow into someone else’s life. What do I have now in my possession to work with? What is Gods will for me to keep, to give, to throw, to share and to sow?)