This page is no longer Actively Updated   Go to our Latest Website Version  HERE : http://www.hispresentglory.net/glory2 Sorry for the Bother  Please remember to update your Bookmarks -

 

Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

I had read this verse many times. It has been, for me, a piercing sword of light cutting through the darkness. I could feel each time I read it, the fear and insecurity that were deeply embedded in my soul. They were voices that continually spoke to me, from which I interpreted my life. This was double mindedness. I was “unstable in all my ways”

At the moment of my birth fear began its work to kill, steal, and destroy. I was born in 1969 to a very young mother still in High School. I was her first child. She was afraid, not knowing what was going on in her own body, her heart, and her marriage. This is how I came into this world.

My parents married when my mother was pregnant with me. Their marriage was very dysfunctional, full of abuse, addiction, adultery and hurt. Shortly after my sister was born in 1971 they divorced. Their relationship with each other and with me individually had such a far-reaching effect on my soul. I have only begun to unravel this in the past few years.

My mother struggled financially and emotionally throughout my first 5 years. I did not like seeing her hurting and crying. I began to protect her. At the same time I was visiting my father with my sister on weekends. I did not feel safe with him. I felt I needed to protect my sister when we were with him. He was not abusive in anyway, however, I just did not trust him. I remember one defining moment, my father, my sister, and I were all driving. My sister was playing with the locks on the door. She opened the car door and fell out. She was so close to being run over. After that experience, I decided I would make sure she was safe when we were with him.

So here I am not even five years old, fighting fear, insecurity, abandonment and anger, and I am compensating by taking on a spirit of independence and care taking nearly everyone around me. Boundaries and authority were way out of alignment.

Then it happened my mother met my dad (not my biological father) I felt safe with him and my mother was happy. Life was going to change. I was so exited.

They were married in May 1974. Soon after, my dad adopted me, as a stipulation in the adoption my biological father signed away his rights. For me this was a great day. I loved my dad and of course we would all have the same last name. (It bothered me that my mom and I had different last names) Blessings continued to flow. We moved into house (with a huge yard) and started attending church. In 1976 my brother was born.

Things seemed great from the outside, however looking back it is apparent that we had entered into a period of arrested development.

I was growing and changing; I had accepted the Lord as my savior. Yet, I did not know how to get free of the self-consciousness and fear I faced on a moment-to-moment basis. I was small and developed slowly which brought in shame as which only seemed to feed the self-consciousness. In addition, I still had habits and impressions and ways of dealing with things that stemmed from my early childhood that were not resolved. Running from these feelings, pushing them further down, I looked to school and friends to find my identity.

These thoughts followed me through High School. I left home with more baggage than just my suitcases. This began a period of nearly ten years of wandering. I spent the next ten years floundering. I was a tire spinning in the mud adding things onto myself independent of God, looking for satisfaction but never finding it. Eventually In 1996 I came to the end of myself. I was over worked, thirty pounds over weight, drinking too much and dealing with the end

of an engagement. I was desperate, I knew God was real and I needed to turn my life over to Him.

I began attending churches I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and found a church home at “His Present Glory”. This was only the beginning. I began dealing with fear, self-consciousness and insecurity in a new way from the Christ in me, finding my identity in Christ as a Son of God. I began to have a thought life free from performance, competition, criticism, and blame. I have gained expression and lost over 30 pounds. My soul began to trust the Christ in her, with in her deepest parts.

I was married in march 2001 to Darren (see his bio for more info) I had never witnessed the depths to which addiction can take a person and the utter destruction, chaos, loss, and grief it can create in a person’s life. This relationship brought many things to the surface within myself; what was love and what was not. I have experienced the miraculous, life changing power of God.

At this time I am a member of the worship team as a singer/psalmist. I am gaining experience in teaching and I am beginning a Spirit of council meeting for teens. My heart is for kids to go into their adulthood having dealt with issues from childhood. I am continuing to grow in Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. What abundant life!