FACE TO FACE

My past came to meet me,
Face to face.
As I looked into his eyes,
Emotion filled my heart.

Tears well up and I cried.
It took me by surprise.
This wasn’t the reaction I had expected.

He had been my first love, my husband,
But had been dead to me for seven years.
Parts of my memory of him had faded
To the point of my wondering if he had ever been real.

As I gazed into his eyes, into his soul,
That last remnant of the wall that I had constructed to protect me
Came tumbling down from around my heart.
A mixture of love, sadness, and grief came pouring out,
Flooding every inch of my soul and body.

From the depths of my being I asked him,
“Will you forgive me?”
“For what?” he asked.
I cried some more as I tried to form my words,
“Will you forgive me for hurting you during the divorce?”

As the words spilled from my heart,
I knew I was free
No matter what his answer would be.
I was released from those ghosts of the past
That had still haunted my present.

No more would those pockets of guilt and grief
Reside in me, blocking me from life and love.

My deliverance and healing came when I asked the question.
I was prepared for a harsh, unforgiving reply.
Instead, he looked at me and simply said, “Yes”.

I don’t know if the puzzled look on his face
Was from my question or from his own reply.
But I do know that God has started this man’s healing and deliverance.
Face to face.

Elaine Carlson 9/12/2003